The Return Of "Future Endeavors: The Wrestling Column"
By: Shawn Walters ("The Angry Hero")
And we're back for another edition of "Future Endeavors: The Wrestling Column," wrapping up the latest in pro wrestling news. Before we get into it, I would like to address something that happened this week in our universe that needs to be dissected further than just for laughs.
Earlier this week, legendary manager & former TNA creative team member Jim Cornette shared on his official website (www.JimCornette.com) an e-mail sent to former TNA colleague & current head of talent relations, Terry Taylor. Cornette was fired from TNA last summer, and about one month ago, he was clearing out his inbox, and came across some correspondence from Taylor. Now it's no secret that Cornette hates, I mean, absolutely LOATHES Vince Russo, and has on many occasion gone out of his way to insult the present TNA booker for pretty much ruining his life & the wrestling business overall. If Russo could somehow have been born at the turn of the 20th century, Cornette would have found a way to blame him for both World Wars & the sinking of the Titanic.
In an act devoid completely of tact, Cornette saw fit to arbitrarily e-mail Taylor a burning missive that absolutely fillets Russo. The highlight: Jim Cornette apparently has vivid dreams in which he is MURDERING Vince Russo. I would love to say that he stopped short of wishing Vince Russo was dead...but then he went and said EXACTLY THAT! As a result, TNA has sued Cornette for "terroristic threats," amongst other accusations.
To put this into perspective, imagine if you were going through your high school yearbook, and you came across the phone number to the bully that tortured you throughout your adolescence. Only it's ten years later & the phone number is to the bully's mother's house. You call anyways. You talk to his mother, and tell her that if you ever see her son again, you will do everything in your power to harm or possibly kill him.
I understand that Cornette has a bone, well, more like a friggin' dinosaur skeleton to pick with Russo. A steady diet of nonsensical booking choices, "Crash TV," & aborted character development has beleaguered TNA for years, and for someone like Cornette, whose old-school mentality still rings true today in his work with Ring of Honor, it had to of been hell working with Russo. But when is the past going to be past for Jim? Judging from his e-mail, probably never. Like the T-1000 hunting Arnold Schwarzenegger down, Cornette will not stop until Russo never works anywhere again.
Jim, you've saved your money from years of professional wrestling, and you could lead a comfortable life out of the limelight. Hell, you can live a healthy life IN the limelight if you choose. Why ruin it when you don't have to? Russo has enough people in the wrestling business & probably outside of it to last him the rest of his life. Dixie Carter keeps giving him the rope to hang himself with, especially with TNA's rating rapidly declining to subterranean levels. Raging against him might be fun for you, but tedious to your fans & followers. Give it a rest; it's not healthy.
Well, I've ranted enough so let's get into the news, shall we?
(Please credit The Wrestling Observer, PWInsider, & Figure Four Daily for all news items)
· On his new SiriusXM radio show, Hulk Hogan made the claim that his ex-wife Linda once mistook him for a woman whom she caught in their home giving Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake oral favors. See, The Iron Sheik -- It's the other way around.
· Scott Hall reportedly makes $3000 per appearance for TNA or roughly $150 after 3,000 Steel Reserve malt liquor bottle returns.
· Unhappy with "The Band" moniker, Kevin Nash has announced on his official Twitter account a contest to rename his TNA stable. Front-runners so far include "The Traveling Wilburys," "The Uninvited," & "Mindless Self-Indulgence."
· The WWE's tour of Europe has been experiencing travel issues, due to an ash cloud from an erupting Icelandic volcano. This would not be the first time the WWE has dealt with a volcanic eruption. In the spring of 2006, Gene Snitsky once popped a back zit during a match.
· Former ECW Champion "The King of Old School" Steve Corino was believed to have died over last weekend. Fortunately for Corino, he never starred in an 80's CBS sitcom.
· WWE SmackDown will be moving to SyFy starting in October. In a programming crossover, the Ghost Hunters crew will conduct an séance on the debut episode to find Mike Knox.
· With SmackDown coming to SyFy, WWE NXT may be no longer. Given Heath Slater’s resemblance to Miranda from Sex and the City, as well as Matt Striker's penchant for taking nude photos, NXT might find a home on Bravo.
· SmackDown superstar Ezekiel Jackson suffered an injury during a recent match with Kane in Scotland. The official diagnosis is a torn quad, an injury usually precipitated by steroid abuse & repeated sex with the boss' daughter.
· After TNA's upcoming Lockdown event this weekend, Kurt Angle plans to take some time off to "heal up." This will involve a trip to the local arts & crafts for pipe cleaners to create a new spine.
· Linda McMahon's Senate campaign has recently come under attack for hiring former WWE Women's Champion Candice Michelle, known for her previous participation in bondage & fetish videos. The videos become particularly unnerving when Michelle forces men to watch the December to Dismember PPV.
Check out us next week (or the week after that, but hopefully next week), as we do more news bites. And if you need your fix 24/7, check out my blog at www.FutureEndeavored.tumblr.com. Thanks for reading, and remember: Above all things -- be a man! (RIP Peter Steele)
